Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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