32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize