I look better un-naked...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
