I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
