So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
