foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
