my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Damn victory sex feels great
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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