I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
