woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
