I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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