You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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