what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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