Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
