Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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