OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You are a genius and a whore.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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