rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
