We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
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You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
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Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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