Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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