he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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