Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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