Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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