Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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