my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
