Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
