i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You're like the curious george of whores
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
