Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize