but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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