I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
