Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
