Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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