he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
