he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
