Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
