opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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