What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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