i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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