It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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