I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
