are you still at the devil's house?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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