And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
