ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You're like the curious george of whores
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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