dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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