the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
