So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
birth control should be required to get into college
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
