Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
