Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
