Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
