He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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