Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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