Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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