thus making me awesome and them whores
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
