I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
