He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
