well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Damn victory sex feels great
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
