giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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