do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
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You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
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I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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