She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
