Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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