is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
