WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
