so that wasnt chicken after all
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Randomize
