last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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