Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
