My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Randomize
