I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
where am i from again
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
