I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
