she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
