So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
